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13 Oct, 2008

8 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem

Posted by: The Coaching Academy In: Life Coaching Articles

A lack of self-confidence can negatively affect one area or all areas of your life. Life Coach Rebekah Fensome provides eight surefire ways to boost your self-esteem.

I’m so proud of my client Sophie.

She came to me six months ago with self-confidence issues. She felt intimidated by certain people at work as she believed that they were better than her and when she was placed in social situations where she had to talk to new people she felt they didn’t really want to be stuck talking to her.

‘I truly believe that no-one wants to talk to me,’ she told me. ‘I’m boring and don’t know what to say most of the time. My mind goes blank when I meet new people and I get really embarrassed trying to make small talk at work. As for dating – I haven’t done that for over two years!’

After having a couple of sessions with Sophie, it became clear that she had lost sight of who she was, what her values were and what made her unique and special. She had also got into the unhelpful habit of putting herself down in front of people and had been in her current job for two years without a pay rise or promotion. She also strongly believed that men didn’t find her attractive and regarded her as a friend and nothing else.

Here are some of the discoveries we made and techniques we developed together:

1. SELF-APPRECIATION

Write a list of your top seven qualities. These are what make you unique. Carry these around with you every day and read them to remind yourself who you are and what makes you special.

2. WRITE A LIST OF PAST SUCCESSES

Think about the times in your life when you’ve been successful at something. Write a list of all of these and remind yourself how you did this and how great it felt when you’d achieved your goals. Use this past experience to fuel your self-belief and confidence for achieving your goals in the future.

3. DON’T PUT YOURSELF DOWN

Sophie kept a tally of how many times she spoke negatively about herself. This ensured that she became acutely aware of how many times a day she was telling people or herself that she wasn’t any good. This was a real eye-opener for her, which successfully led her to decrease the frequency of this external negative dialogue.

4. CHOOSE POSITIVE ROLE MODELS

We can help ourselves by looking at others in a constructive and positive way rather than negatively comparing ourselves with them. Look at others with a glowing self-confidence and notice their characteristics. Pick up words and body language that they use and add them to your own repertoire.

5. ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS

Being able to accept, believe and feel good about compliments is crucial to cultivating a high level of self-confidence. The best way to accept compliments is to look the person in the face, smile and say ‘thank-you’. This will in turn also make them feel good. Looking embarrassed or looking down at your feet and feeling uncomfortable will also make the person giving the compliment uncomfortable – no-one wins in that situation!

6. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Using positive affirmations every day is really effective as you’re talking to your subconscious where all your negative thoughts are stored. Pick three strong statements, which literally make a negative self-belief into a positive one. For example, if you believe you’re not a confident person then ‘I am a confident person’ should be one of your daily positive affirmations. Say your positive affirmations out loud while looking in the mirror as this makes them stronger because you’re connecting with yourself.

7. CONSTRUCTIVE SELF-TALK

We all have an irrational and rational voice. Use constructive questioning on yourself to ensure the irrational voice gets less airtime than the rational voice. Keep practicing this, as it will give you an overwhelming sense of control over your negative inner voice, which is invaluable in many situations in life.

8. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Take time out to nurture yourself. Eat well and drink less alcohol. Go to sleep early and exercise. This indicates to yourself that you’re worthy of being cared for. Remember you deserve to take care of yourself and be taken care of!

And how has Sophie progressed? She emailed me recently to say: ‘Since our sessions I feel more confident and self-assured. The techniques I’ve developed and discoveries I’ve made about myself are invaluable and I won’t let anything get in the way of what I want from my life going forward.’

Use the eight tips and your self-esteem will skyrocket too!

Rebekah Fensome is an accredited Life Coach and writer. She has run a private coaching practice in London for the past four years. You can visit her website at www.rebekahfensomelifecoach.com

2 Responses to "8 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem"

1 | sangeeta patel

November 19th, 2008 at 9:42 pm

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Thanks for your article. I believe you have to love yourself and appreciate all the good things about who you are.I enjoy my own company as well as with others.I have a go at doing different things, and at times I have felt insecure about not measuring up to what others around me have achieved be it financially or otherwise.
I am still working on it,but I have only been concentrating on my pluses and I feel myself growing within.
I recently was complimented by someone I had met a few times on how I appeared to exude alot of warmth and inner confidence!!!!! I was looked upon as a woman who really is comfortable in her skin.I thought wow, Thank you very much.What ever I am doing is working.

2 | Annabel Sutton

September 29th, 2010 at 7:16 pm

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It makes such a difference working with someone who can help you see your positive qualities and natural gifts. Good to see that working with a life coach can really help to address the lack of self-confidence that many women feel.

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