Annie Ashdown, the resident Life Coach on ITV’s Kyle’s Academy and a Coaching Academy graduate, specialises in confidence building. She says what other people think of you is none of your business!
Remember we are ‘perfectly imperfect’. So many people feel they must have the perfect life, the perfect figure, the perfect relationship. What a load of tosh! Stay in the moment and enjoy every moment of being who you are, quit rehearsing to be somebody else. It is far better to be yourself then a poor imitation of someone else.
Self-care and self-approval are your responsibilities to yourself. Increase self-care daily, and watch your confidence grow profoundly, and your need to gain approval from others will lessen.
Acknowledge all your assets. Stop knocking yourself for mistakes you made or anything you haven’t yet achieved. Once a strong inner faith appears, others’ opinions of you won’t be important. Opinions of others are only opinions, not facts. Maintain your own integrity; hold onto your own values.
If people/situations irritate you, walk away. You have choices. You don’t have to go into battle, or compromise your integrity to keep them happy. Take stock of who you are and stand your ground by honouring yourself and doing what is best for you.
Feeling unworthy undermines everything. It keeps you affirming limiting beliefs that you are ‘less than’. You are more than enough as you are.
Your worth is not determined by your car, your fat bank account, the volume of your voice, the thunder of your accomplishments. It is seen rather in terms of the nature and depth of your commitments, humility, the sincerity in your purpose, your creativity and making space for grace, not your Prada suit!!
To feel confident within, you must be your own best friend and honour your commitments to yourself, have down time when you so choose, say what you mean, mean what you say, sleep when you are tired, eat healthily when hungry, play when you want fun, take responsibility for your finances, respect yourself and your choices, appreciate and trust yourself.
Whenever you doubt yourself, close the curtains at home, put on George Michael’s track, ‘I Think You’re Amazing’ and change it to ‘I Think I’m Amazing’ and sing it out loud in front of a mirror.
Hold yourself in high regard and don’t allow anyone to shame you into changing anything about yourself that you wish were different. Release all guilt and lack of self-belief. Remember you are not a prisoner or slave and therefore don’t need to seek approval from anyone else.
Often people get wrapped up in everyone else’s stuff in order to deflect what is going on with them. Take time to get to know yourself as it’s a vital key to feeling empowered and confident. Aligning your thoughts, words and actions will raise your self-esteem hugely, along with helping you live a congruent life. Quit needing others to reassure you look good, or you have a great body or wicked sense of humour. Get into the habit of validating yourself.
No one can belittle us unless we allow them to. No one has that power. They may frustrate us or irritate us, but we disturb ourselves. The more you stay addicted to approval, the less confidence you will have. Nourish your mind, body and soul daily with positive thoughts, and smart choices for yourself.
Become aware when you start making changes that act in your favour others may not like it. Break free of the hold that others and their expectations have on you. I won ‘Golden Globes’ for people pleasing, so take my word it shatters all self-esteem and keeps you feeling unworthy. Do not allow fear and a false sense of shame to stop you from taking extreme care of yourself. List your needs and wants and give yourself permission to get them met!
Walk through fear and take a chance on a new way of life. Feel what you feel, know what you know, believe what you believe, see what you see, trust your intuition and validate yourself by standing in your own truth
Stop advertising your ‘vulnerable hot spot’, stop justifying and defending yourself. Own your power, right and responsibility to place value on yourself. When you become your own person with a strong identity of yourself, you will rid fears that undermine your courage. Stop criticising others, focus on your own shortcomings and correct them. Stop discounting yourself. Life is a series of lessons, stop taking everything so personally, and get over it. Not all life’s events are directed at you.
By Annie Ashdown – www.annieashdown.com
Attend a workshop on Confidence Coaching as part of The Coaching Academy’s Advanced Diploma. Visit www.the-coaching-academy.com/advanced-diploma.
