As a coach and / or NLP practitioner you’ll find that you’re always dealing with clients; their goals, their problems, their challenges, aspirations they have and hurdles they want to overcome. It’s natural and its part of what you do to help release their potential and become more resourceful.

In most cases this will mean that clients will present you with a goal – or that you will help identify one. But are goals the whole story? Can we become too fixed on goals and is there something beyond goals that clients are really aspiring to?

Over the years that I’ve been a coach, speaker and trainer in this field of personal development I’ve discovered there are two ‘wins’ that emerge from working with clients. The first is that they achieve their identified goal; be it a new job, giving an excellent presentation, sealing a business deal, promotion – or whatever it may be.

Then there is the more subtle but profound ‘win’ of that client being more at peace with life, themselves and others. And interestingly it’s this second ‘win’ that is often more powerful and prolonged. It is this that means that whatever may happen in life that they feel most resourceful.

And it’s this – that NLP and indeed any type of personal development or healing – is all about.

Goals will shift

The reality of life is that clients and their objectives will change. Their circumstances will change. Things they feel they may want may change – and this may change as part of the greater insight they may gain working with a specialist such as yourself.

So if we are overly focused on goals both parties may become frustrated and we may miss the real magic that can emerge for the client. This shifting relationship to goals is a very natural occurrence as grow and as what is important to us unfolds to us.

Life will shift

It is not just you or your client that will shift. It’s not just that their circumstances or yours may change. It’s that life as a whole will constantly change. The environment will change, the economy will change. The sector that you and your client operate in will change. And so this too means that we need a more fluent approach to goals and what type of support is really needed.

Over the last 12 months we’ve seen the most extraordinary changes on the world scene economically, environmentally, politically and in our societies. Our goals and aspirations do not occur in a vacuum and it’s important that we can respond accordingly.

Being comfortable with moving goal posts

The first thing is to accept and begin to become comfortable with the fact goals dreams and aspirations may well change. That is true of your client and yourself.

In fact whilst writing this article I spoke to Leigh, a coach who I am coaching who was concerned that her goals to update her website and kick off her career are behind schedule. She’s having work done on her home and she’s had internet access problems.

All this has slowed her down – her goals are behind schedule. This is the reality of our lives; things happen, events will occur, timetables may need to change. I reminded Leigh — who has very focused on her goal – that this is part of life.

I reminded her that the challenges she faced with wanting to complete her ‘goal’ by such and such a time is the same as it would be for many of her clients and that her ability to embrace this would help her support clients when such events occurred in their lives I told her I had learned that ‘life is the ultimate timekeeper’.

I also shared with her that when I had started out as a coach I was very focused on ensuring clients did what they said they would when they said they would. But then I learned that not only do life events happen, but also clients may themselves shift their goals, change their goals, let go of their goals, alter goals.

This means that the goalposts are rarely fixed. They are moving all the time.

The power of letting go of the weight of goals

Many years ago I coached Fred a personal trainer who had long dreamed of setting up his own gym. He had a few of business coaching sessions. After about the second session of mapping out his goals he was excited and buoyant. When he came for his third session he seemed deflated.

He said he had been walking around the city and felt overwhelmed. I told him ‘whether you achieve your goals or not are of no consequence to who you are’. I then symbolically tore up my notes and told him that whether he pursued his goals or not was his own gift.

Around 18 months later I bumped into him on the tube train and he announced that his gym was now up and about to launch. I was amazed. But I realized that releasing the pressure of having to reach goals may have played a big part in freeing Fred to be himself and to do what was always in his system to do.

The state we’re in: We live in a world driven by things that we should do, be and aspire to be. From gaining educational or vocational qualifications through to achieving career and business goals. And between this there all sorts of social, relationship and aesthetic ideals.

It can be overwhelming. It is a major conscious and unconscious factor that leads us to setting goals. It is also a major contributor to the stresses and pressures that we have about the burden of carrying that we feel when we fall short of them. In other words – at a society and personal level – goals may not always be the entire solution and in fact can even be part of the problem.

Could perhaps coaching or NLP help bring about a different kind of state of being?

The rainbow myth

There is also another dimension to this. In fairytales there’s a myth of a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. In real life there’s a similar myth that when you gain that new job, relationship or promotion that you’ll gain lasting happiness. I see it in many ‘successful’ people that I’ve coached who have status, success and stuff but who are unfulfilled.

Many become consumed by setting yet more goals feel burned out by the whole pursuit. Many are looking for ‘something’ else. Indeed many have achieved all sorts of personal, professional and family goals and are consciously or unconsciously looking for something else.

If we merely are focusing on goals we may miss this real magic beyond the rainbow.

So what is beyond goals?

All this points to the importance of understanding what resides before, beyond – and between – our goals.

When you sit down and actually ask people what they want, while they may mention lots of things that relate to gaining status, material things, physical attributes, after they’ve listed these things they will usually say that they want these things in order to gain ‘happiness’, ‘peace of mind’, ‘fulfilment’ and being ‘content’.

So if these are the things that we really want – and if the goals and achieving them are not the whole story or the whole answer – shouldn’t we spend some more time in this area beyond goals?

The goal may not be the prize

This means that the goals may not be the real prize. I remember that when I did my NLP training the theme of ‘space’ was probably the most important to me. It was more important than any tangible goal. It was this feeling that made me feel most centred, connected and in tune with myself and life.

In fact it was so important to me and useful for clients that after creating my traditional coaching tools I produced ‘Space, Stillness, Silence’ to help those who needed less noise and clutter not necessarily more goals.

I am not alone for many clients that you may meet goals may not be the prize. In fact a business owner I’m currently coaching realised that first of all we just needed to still his noisy mind. Whilst he has business and personal aspirations what he really wants most is to arrive at a place of being at peace and this has nothing to do with goals. In time we may pick up on his goals – if necessary – but from a far more empowered space.

What can help take us to that space beyond goals?

Interestingly many coaches, NLP Practitioners and other therapists, hypnotherapists and spiritualist utilise relaxation techniques and meditation. These tools and techniques often give us a break and take us away from our busy mind goals to a place where the mind can relax, where the body is honoured and can be at ease – and where both can get back into harmony.

Walks in nature and sleep can often have the same benefits. The mere awareness of our programmed de-fault toward goals can be useful.

So the tools and techniques that you are trained with may well be very useful indeed – especially together with the mindfulness that goals in themselves are not necessarily the whole picture.

It’s not unusual that the techniques that you may use are therapeutic enough without either yourself or your client needing to then add many – or sometimes any – expectations or outcomes on top.

Trust your clients

So listen deeply to your clients. Listen to what they say and to what is unsaid. Is their goal a ‘thing’? If their wish is more about peace, space, contentment or such then it’s worth gently exploring what ways they feel that this can be arrived at. Interesting you may both enter a new powerful space when this exploration happens.

A space beyond a client with a problem and a practitioner with a bag of tricks to solve them. Sometimes concerns dissolve. Sometimes practical things may help support this space beyond goals. Ask them what is it that makes them feel at peace and relaxed.

Invite them to explore what works for them. In some cases relaxation techniques, meditation, quiet contemplation or quiet walks in nature are what works well. Others may be drawn to other pursuits or simply ‘being’. And ironically in some cases having a few less goals and remembering to embrace life itself – which is what resides before, between and beyond goals – may be most liberating.

What brought you to coaching?

Most of my working life has been spent as a Civil Servant in various management posts but a common thread throughout was working with, and developing, people from community leaders to fellow civil servants and other professionals.

I have always been a great believer in the power of coaching and over the years have seen how it can help people unleash their potential and surprise themselves and others with their achievements!

What were you original thoughts for applying for the coaching? I went along to the 2 day Coaching Academy course as I had been offered voluntary redundancy and hoped the course would help me in my personal decision making. In the event it did much more than that.

I saw that here was an opportunity to develop my coaching skills and turn my passion into a new career. The enthusiasm and professionalism of the presenters during the 2 days really impressed and I decided to sign up for the Personal Performance Diploma.

Which bits did you enjoy the most?

The day the box arrived was exciting and a bit daunting! I had previously completed a MBA via distance learning and knew that for me I really thrive on attending and participating in `live’ events so signed up for the majority of the accelerator days.

Knowing that I had deadlines to get course work in by helped me to maintain momentum. I found the standard of presentation at the weekends of the highest quality with lots of tips and tools that I would not have picked up through the written material alone.

Other trainee coaches at the accelerator days became good friends, helping me with co-coaching as well as providing a mutual support network.

How did the qualification slot in with your current life?

Just after I started the coaching diploma I accepted the offer of voluntary redundancy and was offered training to become a NLP Practitioner too. At that time I was part of the Management team leading on the closure of my office, helping to relocate around 180 staff.

It was a very hectic period but the NLP course complemented the coaching training so whilst challenging in terms of volume of work it was good to take the two courses together. The situation at work meant I had plenty of volunteers looking for coaching and it was great to be able to apply my learning to a very real situation and see that I could make a difference.

What did you find the most interesting to learn?

The work around values and beliefs – particularly relevant in a redundancy situation where people doubt their ability to find new employment or move into a new direction. I also like the flexibility of the Wheel of Life as it can be adapted to a number of scenarios eg Wheel of work, wheel of leadership, wheel of management etc.

What was the most rewarding part of the journey?

Completing the training within the deadline I had set myself and getting a distinction!

Where are you now? How are you using your coaching skills?

I qualified at the end of last year and now focus on career coaching (including job hunting, confidence building, personal performance development) and retirement planning. Getting my first `real’ client was very exciting and came through someone I worked with in the past.

For me I have come to realise the importance of networking in generating leads. Another opportunity came from an ex-colleague with her own consultancy company who asked me to work with her as an associate. I also do voluntary work with people on a 1:1 basis and apply my coaching skills here too.

In these relatively early days I would say that up to 80% of my working time is focussed on promoting and marketing my business, something which is quite new to me and not entirely within my comfort zone. A real opportunity to apply all that learning around limiting beliefs to myself!

What is the best thing that could happen within the next 2 years?

I would love to have established my business to the point where I can work 2 or 3 days a week to get the life work balance I am looking for.

What is your favourite coaching question? It is really 2 questions –

What would happen if you did this? (reached your goal)

What would happen if you didn’t?

What do you enjoy most about being a coach?

Seeing people realise they can (and do) achieve so much more than they first thought.

Top tips

People who are looking at coaching? Think about your personal motivation for becoming a coach – the training is time intensive but it is such a fantastic learning experience.

Coaches currently in training? Keep on top of the paper work. It is easy to get carried away with the excitement of the coaching and the learning but qualifying is easier if you document everything as you go along. Book your first assessed interview early in the process.

I was dreading this but the feedback was invaluable and gave me both enormous confidence that I was on the right lines as well as practical advice about how I could improve further.

Coaches that are about to qualify? Qualification is the beginning not the end! Think about how you are going to use your coaching qualifications – particularly if you are looking to set up your own business. Work on your elevator pitch and become confident at telling people what you do, you never know where your next lead may come from.

A member of my support group videoed us presenting our pitches which was a bit scary but a great way to fine tune our `scripts’. Finally look to continue the learning process – I put aside half a day a week to research around my topic and attend learning events around both Coaching and NLP.

People that are in a similar situation to yourself?

Network, network, network! Look for opportunities to promote your business but also to listen to what people want.

Happy coaching!

I just completed my PPD and Corporate Diploma from TCA after 7 months of the most remarkable & transformative journey in my life.

Prior to coaching, I have 20 yrs corporate experience in the sales arena and for the last 6 yrs handled the UK, France, Italy & Spain terrain understanding business sensitivities or perhaps misunderstanding it. Mindless travel and day to day tasks neither provided me time to think nor develop myself.

Never knew about the concept of setting personal goals. Just got mired into the sales routine with the intent of acquiring newer clients & strategize on quotas.

Signed up for the TCA certification programme in July 2011. Was a distinct experience. On day one of this programme, I advised the living daylights out of whoever appeared in front of me in the GROW exercises with one of the participants visualizing how to strangle me, another giving abbreviated curses, left the observer rotating on the head of a pin and a few other variants.

2nd day, I was better tamed. Understood the importance of silence, non judgmental & non-prescriptive approach in coaching . Did another coaching session on a participant and after the session his face manifested an 18th century stain-glass expression which I can now categorise as one that borders on heightened awareness.

Decided to do 2 diplomas from TCA the very same day, this skill has to be mastered.

In Aug 2011 emancipated myself from my job and enrolled for PPD & Corporate Diploma programs. Dabbled with the idea of starting on my own for a year but neither had the guts nor resourcefulness but finally crossed the chasm & set up my company in the UK ‘Headstride Ltd’ which has 2 arms : Leadership Coaching ( my niche ) and Sales Training/ Workshops ( my life time skill , indulgence & passion )

I chose Leadership as a niche as I was always drawn to its concepts and development theories. In my corporate career, I have met a few CxO’s and CEO’s of client companies and was intrigued at the level of their concern and perception.

The niche is challenging, seeks hardcore skills and attributes from me as a coach hence am encouraged to pursue it and stretch my zone. My 3 ½ year work stint in the Member of the Board & President’s office of a 11 bn USD firm also provides an iota of credibility and am a research- student now for life in this niche .

I also like life coaching due to its level of personal touch and have a few clients.

Coaching has been a radically new skill acquisition for me and with its listening, rapport creation, summarizing, paraphrasing and whole lot of ‘making a man out of you’ competencies, I have re-entered atmosphere & civilization. The contribution TCA made towards my development is indescribable.

Attended a seminar at London and learnt about a distinction ‘Biography is not Destiny’ and it was my light bulb moment. People do 4 yrs of engineering/law/MBA or 5 yrs of a particular function and this becomes their biography and they consider it as their only skill & destiny.

I further learnt that one can pursue whatever one wishes to and succeed if he/she is passionate in that field , stays the course , preserves faith daily and takes massive actions every day . In the first 12 years I worked in the Engineering & Technology industry, and then gave up my seniority and experience to work for the next 8 yrs in the emerging mobile communication industry.

Coaching & training is now the leitmotif of my life as it’s concordant with my objectives & desire.

Of the aspects that accentuated my learning, I attribute highest significance to the accelerator days, real-life coaching sessions & assessments, virtual seminars, well written module, books and workshops.

My goals for next 2 yrs:

• Carve out a brand for my firm Headstride Ltd in the transformation & personal development industry.

• Become one amongst the best leadership coaches & sales trainers in the world. Do whatever it takes to learn the nuances.

• Become an author and work in the cognitive sciences field (my role models being, Stephen Pinker, Robert Sapolsky & others).

• Become a TED world forum speaker

Tips for other qualifying colleagues:

• Coaching is not just a skill. It’s a personality shift administered through concepts and immersion to alter our thinking from a speaking & judging mode to a listening & reflecting mode . Keep it alive by being a serious student, peripheral book reading, augmenting courses etc before you submit your documents for assessment.

• In corporate coaching it helps if coach has both business touch (organizational knowledge) as well as Psychological touch (understanding cognitive & emotional states).

Though coaching is a forward looking concept and doesn’t delve too much into the past, a little bit about the genesis of the mind & its formation provides a bit more richness and texture to the coach’s skill.

• The biggest challenge during my qualification stage was to manage myself, my daily feelings and thoughts. I must admit out of 7 months, I must have easily squandered a month in self-doubt, anxiety, worries about scaffolding my business etc leading to inaction and rumination.

Had it not been for certain books and this protective umbrella of TCA, I would have regressed. Do manage your thoughts well, every day.

• Make the practice coaching sessions absolutely sacrosanct. It’s the best and most important skill building platform.

My favourite coaching question:
‘What is it that you want to become / do / experience, the lack of which gives you anxious moments’?

Sincere thanks to all the coaches for the practice sessions , you have so brilliantly facilitated my thinking and action orientation .

Best of luck and sincere wishes from my heart to all fellow qualifying coaches . I wish a day emerges , some sort of ‘ world coaching day’ and all of us get to celebrate at Trafalgar square or the likes of it .

TCA, what can I say, you folks are such a supremely motivated lot.

Nandu Menon

For once I followed my heart. Initially this meant relocating from South Africa to England to set up home with my soon to be husband.

However the experience of building a very new and different life, at a time when most people are comfortably settled into a rhythm of life heading towards retirement, soon became a journey that changed more than my marital status.

My South African career had been tough but rewarding. Various interludes in Information Technology and Human Resources had finally led to a fascinating role in Knowledge Management and a directorship in a large construction engineering organisation.

Here I learned that the essence of what makes me fulfilled is the development of people. It wasn’t the administration, the systems, the never-ending meetings, the ‘glamorous’ travel or the profile.

It was the marrying of business strategy with the development of its people – whatever intervention or programme was required.

Career counselling, graduate development, skills training, job shadowing, employment equity, self empowerment – creating the systems and opportunities for growth in confidence, technical ability and management at all levels.During this time I was first introduced to coaching and was on the receiving end of Leadership Coaching – then a new concept in South Africa.

I experienced coaching at its best and its worst.

The dichotomy proved to be valuable further down the line.

So arriving in England where I was unknown, and to some extent perceived to be superfluous to requirements, was a bit jarring. It took time to realise how much I had based my identify and self worth on external factors.

Those who have known you for a long time, the reputation you have built up over years – the track record that you have created in both your work and personal lives.

Intellectually I was ready for the challenge of a new life – I had thought through every aspect of it. But nothing prepared me for how it would all feel. In time I worked out that I had to look inside myself and reassess who I was and what I had to offer.

A really difficult process but so core to growth and ultimately to successful coaching.

Just as I had settled happily into living and working in England, news came that we were off to Hong Kong on a 3 year contract.

Immediately I started looking for something to set up that was about people, built on my existing experience and new personal awareness, and was completely transferrable – anywhere.

I happened upon an advertisement for a two day Coaching Certification with the Coaching Academy and headed along one dark February weekend in 2010. One hour into the first day and I was sure that I had found ‘IT’.

Now how to complete this before we left for the Far East? The Law of Attraction really does work and a month before our departure the distance learning version was launched. Et Voila! I arrived in Hong Kong with a few clothes, a new husband and a lot of Coaching Academy material!

Most interesting has been the understanding that to be an effective and authentic coach you have to do the work on yourself. You have to challenge your own baggage, beliefs and attitudes. Constantly.

It is not a hurdle to get over – it’s a challenge to go through. It is not an event – it is a process. It takes resilience, perseverance and an ability to detach but still empathise.

I loved discovering that I had the discipline to take on long distance studying with goals and deadlines and make it part of the adventure of building yet another chapter of my life on yet another continent.

I made the Personal Performance Diploma part of my life and not about work/life balance. It wasn’t extra work – it was The Work. For example – I didn’t have any practice clients and had to get out into Hong Kong and network to find them.

The result – a new skill and new clients. This helped me settle down in a new and very diverse city. I networked through the Coaching Academy Community to find coaching buddies and more practice clients.

I got taken for granted, dumped, treated as a ‘freebie’ – but ultimately have made great friends with a fellow Coaching Academy graduate – we supported each other through our qualification and made a point of meeting on skype at least monthly for a catch up and to set a new goal.

She’s in Barcelona and I am in Hong Kong but I plan to meet her face to face one day. I value this relationship.

I currently run a career coaching programme for the trailing spouse – freelancing for an international relocation company. Those of us (and I was one of them) that accompany our employed spouses have to find our own way in a new environment.

What do you need to do to find your place in this sexy, vibrant but culturally different island city? I coach candidates through the preparation, projection and paperwork required to find that place. And it always starts with the journey of looking at oneself through ‘fresh eyes’.

I didn’t find my niche – it found me. The programme was offered to me as part of my relocation package and I chose to use it to build my own coaching business.

Watching my clients challenge themselves and achieve what they set out to – through the catalysts of questioning and support is exactly what I should be doing now. This is IT.

The programme offers that perfect combination of personal performance and fulfilment under the Career Coaching label. It is always challenging as each client brings a unique kaleidoscope of values, beliefs and attitudes.

I fill up inside as I watch the ‘A-HA’s drop into place. My favourite question is ‘How does it serve you to hold onto this thought?’

But it’s not enough. Next journey goal to be an even better coach with an even bigger business is an NLP qualification.

As I write I am preparing for a course next week. Through the NLP pre-work it has become very clear that Personal Performance Certification offered through The Coaching Academy is an excellent one. It is holistic, authentic and applicable wherever there are people.

As I engage with coaches who have qualified through different organisations from all over the world – I can more than hold my own.

For those of you who are on a similar journey – whether your road is less travelled or more so – I feel there are three nuggets to hold on to:

1. Trust that you have made the right decision. Never give up. Set backs are opportunities for learning and reframing.

2. Seek out and spend time with people who are like you. You need the reinforcement. And they are out there -all over the world.

3. Just Start. Take that first step.

What brought you to coaching?
I discovered executive and personal coaching as a profession quite by accident. I worked in an investment company in London – in the grey zone with no room for professional development, and felt ready to experience a change. Someone left a Protégé Programme Leaflet in a block of apartments where I lived.

I was intrigued by Professional standards of The Coaching Academy, and without any doubts I booked myself into a free Initial Training weekend.

What were your original thoughts for applying the coaching?

I loved the outcome of my first coaching session at the Training weekend, which pushed me past my comfort zone and the safety of my old patterns and beliefs. I felt so excited about what I could achieve being trained as a Professional Coach.!

I have found the answers I was looking for: how can I capitalise on my experience in living, studying and working in the UK and Russia, by entering a new career field.

What was your profession before becoming a coach?

My background is in Economics and Statistics: I worked in Russia as a Consultant for the Department of Employment, a Deputy Head of Department of Prices/Inflation, and a Senior Economist.
Then tell us about your journey whilst you were working hard to qualify;

Whilst I was working hard to qualify, I had major changes, such as Redundancy, Divorce and long-standing Hospitalisation of my son. Those experiences opened me up to a more compassionate way of being in the world and taught me to have tremendous empathy. I also discovered that pain and hope are common denominators of all of these life changes.

What did you find most interesting to learn?

Non-judgmental listening skills, as everyone is carrying their own burden.

What was the most rewarding part of the training/journey?

The most rewarding part of the training was getting feedback from Jan for my Practical Assessments, thesis and Assessment paper. I was so pleased to get 95% for Professional Development Journals. We were joking about it, as I still had a room (a 5 %) for improvement.

The most rewarding part of the journey was the satisfaction of being paid for one week of Coaching as for one month’ previous salary of working- for- someone- else- job.
Which bits did you enjoy the most?

Understanding my own values and confronting my limiting beliefs. Having Practical assessments: I deliberately choose the most challenging clients for my assessments, as I wanted to make sure I got a good return on my investment (ROI). You cannot take an Economist from me.

How did the qualification slot in with your current life?

Professionalism is one of my core values, thus having the qualification is a MUST for me. It’s a great foundation to understand the moral, ethical and behavioral guidelines and professional standards.

What else did you have to consider whilst qualifying?

Two things.

1)The need for enhancing my professional skills and knowledge through planned CPD and meetings, thus I set up the Barbican (City of London) Coaching group.

2)The need for reflective supervision, thus I set up the Barbican Supervision group.

Where are you now? How are you using your coaching skills?

In 2011 I set up my coaching business – VSEI Coaching, and work as an independent Leadership/Personal Performance Coach. Coaching becomes a part of me.

What is your coaching niche and why did you choose it?

My niche is Leadership, Personal Performance and Cross-Cultural Coaching. I have emerged in my unique Identity as a bi-lingual Leadership/Personal Performance Coach after many experiences and trials with range of clients in the UK and Russia.

What is the best thing that could happen to your coaching business in the next 2 years?

Expand Business Prospects and collaborate with 5-7 coaches. Develop multicultural and emotionally intelligent leaders. Win a National Recognition Award for impact in International Leadership.

What is your favorite coaching question?

How do you handle a challenge? I believe that the quality of our questions determined by our ability to tolerate tension and deliberately inquire into tensions (with clients permission).

What do you enjoy most about being a coach?

I enjoy facilitating change and creating sustainability through coaching, which has a direct beneficial business impact and an indirect impact.

What are your top tips for:

People who are looking at coaching?

Select the Diploma(s) you want to enroll; find all available information associated with your choice and attend a free Initial Training Event. Consider what you want. You might find that you can add some coaching skills to your existing job, if you want to make a positive contribution and to deliver excellent results.

Those coaches currently in training?

*Take your training seriously. One day you might be asked by your potential client: How well trained is my coach?

*Join in a coaching community group in your area. Make commitment and grow in your expertise. If you isolate yourself, the changes are – you will be lost. The beauty of our Barbican (City of London) Coaching community- we grow together.

Coaches that are about to qualify?

Be Honest with Yourself. Learn from the Masters. Walk your Talk.

People that are in a similar situation to yourself?

Let’s cooperate, collaborate and raise standards! Together we will have the scale, knowledge and creativity to tackle problems that no-one else can.