06 Jun, 2012
Confronting Poor Emotional Intelligence – Nelia Koroleva
If you knew something influenced virtually everything you did or said, would you want to learn more about it? Would you want to develop it?
Let’s face it -many of us are stuck sometimes with fear, boredom, sadness, annoyance or anger. Many of us cannot adapt to changing situations. Many of us struggle to connect and maintain personal and professional relationships. Many of us cannot show love and appreciation for ourselves, our families, our colleagues and our communities.
We all know that emotions are a fundamental part of who we are, and of living and working with others. Yet, we’re been conditioned to believe that emotions (negative) are just the distraction to our lives. In fact, emotions have immense practical value in helping us be more adaptable and ultimately more successful.
Emotions navigate us: the more we know them, the more we understand their message. When we feel sadness, we don’t have time for joy, when we feel bored we cannot feel acceptance. And we all know when our needs are satisfied – we feel joy in our life.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see how others perceive us, and understand how we relate to others. In other words, EI is a skill or ability to identify and mange the emotions of oneself, of others and of groups.
Signs of poor EI include the inability to listen to others, defensiveness, unawareness of our own feelings and how we come across, lack of sensitivity to others’ feelings, inability to show empathy, make friends and to deal constructively with conflict, a drive to control others, narcissism, poor motivation and the need to have our own way.
The good news is that we can develop our Emotional Intelligence, which will help us understand and better deal with our challenges and problems, build strong personal and professional relationships, succeed at work and achieve our goals.
What are the 3 most important rules?
1. If you want to organise your live, you must understand and have access to your emotions. It is important to work on your own emotional awareness and sensitivity.
2. If you want to move forward, you need to know where we you are now and where you want to be. You really need a road map, or a plan or a goal. We all live in a world that is constantly changing and more demanding, and without a map, a plan, a goal, you’re going to be lost.
3. If you want to master yourself, you must be honest with yourself.
First element of EI is Self-awareness – The ability to recognise your own emotions, and how they affect your thoughts and actions.
Give yourself some time to think and complete the following exercise:
-What is a current challenge that leads to emotional tension?
- What feelings does that situation trigger?
- What are you thinking/saying to yourself?
- What are some new ways to build relationship in this situation?
-What positive outcome can be generated?