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24 Sep, 2008

What Others Think of You…

Posted by: The Coaching Academy In: Life Coaching Articles

Annie Ashdown, the resident Life Coach on ITV’s Kyle’s Academy and a Coaching Academy graduate, specialises in confidence building. She says what other people think of you is none of your business!

Remember we are ‘perfectly imperfect’. So many people feel they must have the perfect life, the perfect figure, the perfect relationship. What a load of tosh! Stay in the moment and enjoy every moment of being who you are, quit rehearsing to be somebody else. It is far better to be yourself then a poor imitation of someone else.

Self-care and self-approval are your responsibilities to yourself. Increase self-care daily, and watch your confidence grow profoundly, and your need to gain approval from others will lessen.

Acknowledge all your assets. Stop knocking yourself for mistakes you made or anything you haven’t yet achieved. Once a strong inner faith appears, others’ opinions of you won’t be important. Opinions of others are only opinions, not facts. Maintain your own integrity; hold onto your own values.

If people/situations irritate you, walk away. You have choices. You don’t have to go into battle, or compromise your integrity to keep them happy. Take stock of who you are and stand your ground by honouring yourself and doing what is best for you.

Feeling unworthy undermines everything. It keeps you affirming limiting beliefs that you are ‘less than’. You are more than enough as you are.

Your worth is not determined by your car, your fat bank account, the volume of your voice, the thunder of your accomplishments. It is seen rather in terms of the nature and depth of your commitments, humility, the sincerity in your purpose, your creativity and making space for grace, not your Prada suit!!

To feel confident within, you must be your own best friend and honour your commitments to yourself, have down time when you so choose, say what you mean, mean what you say, sleep when you are tired, eat healthily when hungry, play when you want fun, take responsibility for your finances, respect yourself and your choices, appreciate and trust yourself.

Whenever you doubt yourself, close the curtains at home, put on George Michael’s track, ‘I Think You’re Amazing’ and change it to ‘I Think I’m Amazing’ and sing it out loud in front of a mirror.

Hold yourself in high regard and don’t allow anyone to shame you into changing anything about yourself that you wish were different. Release all guilt and lack of self-belief. Remember you are not a prisoner or slave and therefore don’t need to seek approval from anyone else.

Often people get wrapped up in everyone else’s stuff in order to deflect what is going on with them. Take time to get to know yourself as it’s a vital key to feeling empowered and confident. Aligning your thoughts, words and actions will raise your self-esteem hugely, along with helping you live a congruent life. Quit needing others to reassure you look good, or you have a great body or wicked sense of humour. Get into the habit of validating yourself.

No one can belittle us unless we allow them to. No one has that power. They may frustrate us or irritate us, but we disturb ourselves. The more you stay addicted to approval, the less confidence you will have. Nourish your mind, body and soul daily with positive thoughts, and smart choices for yourself.

Become aware when you start making changes that act in your favour others may not like it. Break free of the hold that others and their expectations have on you. I won ‘Golden Globes’ for people pleasing, so take my word it shatters all self-esteem and keeps you feeling unworthy. Do not allow fear and a false sense of shame to stop you from taking extreme care of yourself. List your needs and wants and give yourself permission to get them met!

Walk through fear and take a chance on a new way of life. Feel what you feel, know what you know, believe what you believe, see what you see, trust your intuition and validate yourself by standing in your own truth
Stop advertising your ‘vulnerable hot spot’, stop justifying and defending yourself. Own your power, right and responsibility to place value on yourself. When you become your own person with a strong identity of yourself, you will rid fears that undermine your courage. Stop criticising others, focus on your own shortcomings and correct them. Stop discounting yourself. Life is a series of lessons, stop taking everything so personally, and get over it. Not all life’s events are directed at you.

Annie Ashdown is a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist and was the resident Life Coach on ITV’s Kyle’s Academy. She says she is predominately a confidence coach, who works especially well with women. She offers practical tools for women to be assertive in a non-aggressive way, and helps them live up to their fullest potential. For more information on Annie please visit her website

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3 Responses to "What Others Think of You…"

1 | Fi Ivin

September 24th, 2008 at 8:38 pm


Good stuff and almost, I thought, beautifully written even though it was tough and challenging.- As an Image Conslutant/Coach, I loved the bit about “make space for grace not your Prada suit”.It’s so true – much is invested in designer labels and fashion trends as plasters to conceal the hurt bits and maintain pride. Finding our place in the Divine and knowing our true worth is a much more graceful,elegant and free-ing way to live!
Fi Ivin

2 | Vivienne Leach

September 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am


I agree with everything that Annie writes and must add that confidence is a muscle, and to feel confident within you must ensure you have strong muscles on the inside. Yes, Annie tells us exactly what’s important and that its strong inner faith that creates our self-worth!

As a Business Adviser and Motivational Coach, I have delivered a range of Personal Development Workshops for women and lone parents in Wales, those who have thought about setting up in business, who needed a bit of encouragement and support at this transitional stage in their lives (the fear of the unknown affects a person’s confidence) and vulnerable women who have needed to recognise their inner strength in order to make some changes in order to influence their decision-making and the outcomes they desired. The outcome: greater self-awarenss, satisfaction in relationships, life and work.

Because of the breakdown of my marriage in 1995, where I was left feeling vulnerable, lacking in confidence and with low self-esteem, and two small children who looked to me to be the rock in their life, I have come a long way since then. Confident, capable and able to help others to build their confidence because that’s my purpose too.

At the end of my confidence workshops with “Genesis” the wonderful women on the course gave me the most emotional card and heart-shaped key ring as a token of their appreciation. I was so touched!

Like Annie Ashdown, I too help others become more assertive, confident, energised, positive and ‘individual’ (not clones).

There’s a lot of people out there who, for whatever reason, need a boost with their confidence muscle.
If you need my individual support or support in a workshop environment then look on The Coaching Academy website at my profile and send me an e-mail so we can get talking.

Viv Leach
“Vitality – for life and learning”

ps I dont need a website – just put me in “google”!

3 | sangeeta patel

November 19th, 2008 at 9:54 pm


So So true, What a waste of a beautiful life.When I have been really down in the past, and note quite in the past!
I have found music to be of a great lift in my life.
The song I find that works for me to remind me of the beautiful Life I have with all it’s shortcomings, ups and downs etc etc is………..

Ain’t got no – I got Life Nina Simone
Love it makes me smile and reminds me what I got!!!!!!!!

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